Do you remember that time in history when women completely dominated and were respected by men? Yeah. Neither do I. We live in a world where the boys in school love the pretty girls and scoff at the girl who makes good grades; where the men are attracted to super-model thin, overly made up women. Our lives as females are comprised of trying to look like some rendition of whatever the media is selling at the time. But I really think that we women feed that beast.
We offer up treats of plastic surgery enhanced breasts, lips, eyes, and every other body part you can imagine for men to sit up and beg for. Not all women, but many, worry more about enhancing their looks than cultivating their soul. Then we wonder why a man only wants us for our looks. It’s what we’ve trained them to do.
Think about it. What is the first thing a woman troubles herself with when preparing for a first date? What she will wear. They aren’t thinking of conversational subjects which might appeal to their suitor. In return, we receive a conversation in which a man will highlight the pinnacles of his manly pursuits like how much money he makes or the car he drives. It’s fake-meets-fake. We would be far better served to just be ourselves and give a man a healthy helping of “The Real Me”. I think this would allow him to feel more comfortable and open up with his real self as well.
If we don’t want to be viewed as primarily an object for a man’s viewing pleasure, we have to stop objectifying ourselves. How can a man ever take a woman seriously if the biggest issue she can think of is when her manicure is scheduled? Men really want women they can rely on. They want someone who will keep things under control when life gets crazy. I suppose not all men want this. Some really just want someone who makes them look good, but truly sincere men with honest intentions don’t want a damsel in distress who has hair appointments scheduled into the next millennium and no inkling as to how she will support herself in retirement.
We don’t need to dominate men per se. But if we ever want to be viewed as equal, we have to make ourselves equal. We should take the primary focus off of outer appearance and shift that to who we are on the inside. We have all heard the saying that the most beautiful people can be completely ugly inside. It is true. What we are inside rips completely through our looks like a lightning bolt through the clouds. Don’t think for three seconds that men don’t see who we really are. They may entertain the thought of keeping us around because we fit their profile of beauty. But if that is all we have to offer, our relationships will be short-lived. It’s like eating a diet of only potato chips. They come in an attractive package. They’re crisp and salty, and taste oh so good, but eventually you need something more fulfilling. Junk food will not sustain you, and ladies, neither will a relationship based only on good looks
I don’t think any woman really wants a man who is condescending or domineering. Physical attraction does matter. However, that is only a small reason why people really like each other. It’s good to take care of yourself; eat right, exercise, etc. But the main objective is to cultivate your spirit. Educate yourself. Put your financial house in order. Empty out your emotional baggage. Most importantly, realize that the sum of your outer parts does not equal who you are as a person. Inside you lay a universe of wisdom, strength, and beauty. That is the life spring that will nurture you, and your significant other, for eternity. Inside is where all the natural beauty lives, but you have to free it from its chains of make-up and hair spray for it to ever be seen.
Inner beauty is timeless. It never wrinkles or turns gray or fades. Inner beauty will only become more beautiful. And if you really want to attract that man who will be sitting on the porch with you when you’re 95, holding your hand, admiring you, and respecting you, that is the garden you must sow. If you want to be treated as an equal, you have to make yourself a force to be reckoned with. Be independent enough to walk away from shallow-minded people. Don’t feel that your looks determine your happiness. Most of all, know that we can all be movie star beautiful if we let what is inside play the lead and the outside follow.
Tammie Niewedde shares her life with 24, 21, and 16 year old sons. She also has a 2 year old grandson whose energy level reminds her exactly how old she is (40, and she owns that proudly!). In her home, you will find a 120 pound fur factory named Dexter and a few cats whom have decided that she is merely their staff. The root of her love for books, writing, and animals comes from being a child whose only siblings were books and her animals. She is a full-time student, mother, coordinator of all that is chaos, and a hopeless list maker. Most of her writing is creative non-fiction that describes her real life adventures. Her acerbic, biting sense of humor may capture your heart, or it may induce rage. Nonetheless what she writes is true to life. You can often find her hanging out with the kiddos, studying, reading, writing, and making lists…of everything! You can find her on Facebook!