I am an Interesting Woman: Alicia
I am an Interesting Woman: Alicia

I am an interesting woman. I want you to smile and laugh at me.

I am ridiculously self-conscious, but unless you really know me you won’t now know that. I’ve learned, through comedy and humor, to make it seem like I have my shit together and the views of others bounce off me as though I’m made of Teflon. I am most assuredly not. What I call a “genetic mash up” has always had me looking at myself in mirrors because my flaws have been a point of humor for others ever since I was a little kid. Not so much now that I’m 40 or even over the last 20 years, but the first 20 years were very influential and have made the last 20 years an interesting climb to finally liking almost everything about myself.

I am physically fit, but I do have cellulite (the other “c” word!) on my butt and upper thighs. Pregnancy did a number on my inner thighs as well so no matter how many lunges and squats I do, I will never have a perfectly tight and lean body. I also love carbs and refuse to restrict my diet simply for a rock solid back side. A thong is something I will never, ever wear. That’s probably a good thing at my age.

I used to care about my hair and my makeup and clothes. Since moving to Florida in 2009 and turning 40 in early 2013, I don’t worry about it so much. I dress for comfort and for me. I try to not look disheveled and I like to think my outward appearance means life is comfortable. I only bought an iron because a friend of mine was visiting a few years ago. I do use it when I need to iron my shorts that are made out of the wrinkliest material on the planet, but jeans and yoga pants are the norm. Tank tops and graphic t-shirts are my favorite. When I do need to “dress up,” I feel out of place.

I can carry a conversation until even the dead horse is screaming, “Stop. Just stop talking.”  I can also be very quiet and perfectly happy. I haven’t ever been much of an open the newspaper and read it from front page to back page, but I know enough about events to be able to discuss. I am also not afraid to ask to have stuff explained. I can’t know it all and will happily ask you as many questions as I need in order to understand. I gave up reading minds years ago and have found saying “I don’t know” is completely acceptable.

My goal every day is to make someone laugh and keep my kid alive. So far, I think I’m doing pretty well at both. I’m not the world’s best mom, but she loves me just the same. I make mistakes and apologize when I’m wrong. “I love you” flows freely and hugs are on the house. When I get a random “I love you” I high five myself. I must be doing something right!

Life is better when you’re laughing. I try to remember that when the turkeys get me down and I do my best to entertain people every day so in case the turkeys are getting them down at least someone made them laugh. If that someone is me, well, good. My job is done here.

A coworker of mine once said after reading one of my blog posts, “To make something out of nothing is a great talent.”  Granted, depending on the scenario, that can be taken a number of ways. I’ve been told I’m a good and funny writer and “reliably hilarious.”  These sentiments give me hope that one day, some day, when people think of me they will smile and laugh… in a good way, of course.


AliciaAlicia Wozniak was born and raised in Cleveland. “Woz” now lives in Tampa, with the rest of Ohio. This 40 year old can be found teaching Zumba, all over Facebook, figuring out Twitterblogging, and working her full time gig in a marketing division of a textbook publisher. She wonders how many jobs she really needs. If she isn’t moving, she’s unconscious. Life, which includes a Weez, is good and as long as the beer is cold and it isn’t snowing, she’ll keep moving forward – Xanax close at hand.

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