“You know how people have these little habits that get you down.
Bernie like to chew gum.
No, not chew. POP.
So I came home this one day, and I am really irritated, and
looking for a little sympathy and
there’s Bernie layin’ on the couch, drinkin’ a beer and chewin’.
No, not chewin’. Poppin’.
So, I said to him, I said, “You pop that gum one more time…”
and he did.
So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots…
…into his head.”
~ Liz, Chicago, Cellblock Tango
Chicago is one of my favorite plays.
I had fallen out of love with my wusband (was + husband = wusband) and all the whatevers that broke us were enough. I was done. I knew he wasn’t my forever and after a burst of three years of pent up anxiety about it all, I stated through tears, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
That was that. That was six years ago.
We ended things peacefully and to this day we have perfectly civil conversations. We placed the importance of our daughter ahead of any crap either of us had to hand to the other. At some point he said, “There are a lot of things I will miss about you and a lot of things I won’t.” I laughed. I knew what he meant and how he meant it and I agreed. Yes, there would be things I would miss about him as well and things I wouldn’t.
He probably wouldn’t miss my constant “Have you done this?” and I knew I wouldn’t miss having to ask him repeatedly to do “everything”.
Lessons to learn.
The Price of Admission is the name of the below video. The speaker discusses how to survive a long term relationship. The “little habits that get [us] down” that we and our partners have? We both need to accept and pretend those don’t exist.
The dishes aren’t done. The cabinets are left open. The socks aren’t picked up. The milk encrusted glass is left in the living room…again.
Accepting and pretending is the price of admission to the success of our forevers.
Yes, it takes only seconds, perhaps minutes, for one person to do any small task the other doesn’t complete. Yes, I know… It only takes seconds or minutes for them to do it in the first place…
Keep reading and watch the video.
I read a book years and years ago called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It explains the five ways that we interpret and give love.
My main love language is Acts of Service. You want to show me you love me? Do the dishes. Clean my car. Pick up your socks. It’s that simple.
It actually isn’t.
If my partner doesn’t know that’s my language and repeatedly gives me gifts because that’s their language of love and I repeatedly clean the kitchen, but never buy them a gift, well, we’re going to not see eye to eye real quick if we don’t understand love languages and communicate.
It can be tough to learn your lover’s language and continually speak it. Learning it, however, can really help our journeys through forever.
I learned a lot from my nine year marriage and the three and half year relationship I entered into at the end of it. These two relationships were polar opposites. It was super weird once I realized what was happening and what I had to learn.
Crow tastes like shit.
I took a year off from dating after my long term relationship ended to recoup and heal. I give thanks for both relationships and I hope as I enter into my third big relationship (hopefully the last) that I remember how things were during the first two and catch history before it is repeated.
The price of admission—socks on the floor, cabinets left open and dishes in the living room—really isn’t much to pay when being with the person with whom we want to grow old.
Alicia Wozniak was born and raised in Cleveland. “Woz” now lives in Tampa, with the rest of Ohio. This 41 year old can be found teaching Zumba, all over Facebook, figuring out Twitter, blogging, and working her full time gig in a marketing division of a textbook publisher. She wonders how many jobs she really needs. If she isn’t moving, she’s unconscious. Life, which includes a Weez, is good and as long as the beer is cold and it isn’t snowing, she’ll keep moving forward—Xanax close at hand.