T-Shirts That Talk
T-Shirts That Talk

At some point we’ve all stopped to read them, roll our eyes, and worn one (or twenty) of our own: Statement T-shirts. From “Daddy drinks because I cry” emblazoned across the chest of a toddler to “These, and my daddy is loaded.” to advertise the assets of a buxom teenager, society continues to say it with fabric. Be it cute, cringe-worthy, crass, comical or any combination of the four, T-shirts that talk aren’t about to shut up. Even if it’s only to say “Statement T-shirts Suck.” Want the world to know you’re hotter than everyone’s girlfriend? There’s a shirt for that. Want to criticize the clowns governing your country? There’s a shirt for that. Want to piss off everyone of a different race or religion? There’s a shirt for that, too. Hell, if you’re not particularly good with words, you have the option of wearing “Words on a shirt.” Statement T-shirts know no boundaries. We’re running out of reasons to not give people thirty feet away something to read.

Statement shirts are:
Educational: If it has tires or testicles, it’s trouble.
Inspirational: Tomorrow’s worries are the thief of today’s peace.
Motivational: Become the 1%.
Not so motivational: Running sucks
Delusional: I Am the American Dream (It’s called the ‘American Dream’ because you have to be asleep to believe it. – George Carlin)
Abominable: Slavery gets shit done
Apocalyptical: I survived the end of the world
Astrological: I’m compatible with every sign if you’re sexy
Biblical: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:!3
Egotistical: So hot I contribute to global warming
Fantastical: Real men don’t sparkle. They defeat dark wizards.
Generational: Beer. Helping ugly people get laid since 1862.
Political: I don’t need sex. The government screws me every day.
Illogical: The below is true. The above is false.
Immoral: Your grandchildren die every night on your daughter’s face
Intellectual: Never judge a book by its movie
Judgmental: On my planet you’re an asshole. Earth is my planet.
Nonjudgmental: The world needs more hugs
Philosophical: The journey is the destination
Superficial: I’m the hot friend
Logical: Someone is reading this shirt

My foray into wearing words without shame began with a shirt declaring “FOXY” in gigantic, fluorescent lettering when I was thirteen. It belonged to a girlfriend of mine who swears she never owned such a shirt. This was long before Facebook enabled a vain teenager to photo document every split second of her day, so no picture evidence exists. “It was Roxy”, she argues, referring to a popular surf brand. I would go on to own “I HEART MY ATTITUDE PROBLEM.” So I understand her pain and then some. There are pictures. Worse, pictures that don’t belong to me. Nowadays I limit myself to wearing other people’s nonsensical lyrics, so people around me can take time out of their day to ponder the question “Are we human or are we dancer?” I know it’s deep, but please don’t start a discussion. NO, I don’t know when dancer stopped being plural, you grammar Nazi.

When they rose to popularity in the 1960s, T-Shirts with a voice had something profound to say about war, poverty, and famine. While these issues still plague the world today, society is more concerned that everyone around them knows it’s been 859,694 days since they last cared (or had a clever thought, no doubt) or that they’re kind of a big deal. The advantage of people announcing bullshit on their bodies while mistaking stupidity for wit is you already know the guy who hit on you wearing a shirt declaring his girlfriend is out of town is a moron before he even opens his mouth and said girlfriend is inflatable, or that the girl whose t-shirt calls you out on staring at her chest goes through life with mounds of silicone masquerading as personality and probably has horrible self esteem issues. If you’re one of the 8,000 dudes on the sidewalk whose shirt says “I’m with stupid”, the positioning of the arrow isn’t fooling anyone. Before your chest becomes a billboard, consider what it’s saying about you. Sometimes “Uh, cool shirt” is the beginning and the end of a conversation.

Blair Adele – sometimes better known as Vanity Blair has had a love affair with the art of writing since she  knew  how to hold a pen properly. While girls studied Seventeen magazine, she studied the dictionary,  infatuated with  expanding her vocabulary. Since the tumultuous teenage years, she has viewed trends with  disdain, preferring to  embrace individuality when it comes to style. “The Blair Necessities” is where she  combines her objective:  expressing femininity through fashion, and encouraging what sets a woman apart  from the rest, with her passion for the written word. Let she who is without fear of fashion, cast the first stilletto.

Trackbacks are closed, but you can post a comment.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *